MORE THAN LOVE
by Cuddles101
Summary: ... and they lived Happily Ever After? What happens when you get what you wanted? Is it the end of the story or mere beginning? Cal/Gill/Zoe/Rader
1. Part 1

**MORE THAN LOVE**

**Summary: ... and they lived Happily Ever After? What happens when you get what you wanted? Is it the end of the story or mere beginning? Cal/Gill/Zoe/Rader**

_**Notes:**_

_A bit of an AU in which Jack Rader never left the Lightman Group. From the timeline point of view it is set some time after season 3._

_It is my first attempt to write from a POV (point of view) perspective so please be gentle and don't judge too harsh._

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**Prologue**

Human's heart works in its own mysterious way. We never appreciate what we have until we lose it. We seek for miracle not seeing extraordinary right under our nose.

Constant need for something greater and better can either make us or break us.

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**Part 1 **

**POV: Cal**

"Gill I... I'm so sorry..."

I feel like complete jerk as I stand in the middle of the semi dark room, fingers nervously twitch and pull the report that was misfortunate enough to end up in my hands exactly now. I hate myself for how lame my words sound. The speech rehearsed in my head seemed so much better, at least it made sense. The whole thing didn't come out the way I intended.

For the first time in life I find myself at loss of words.

I don't know what else to say and Gill's deadly silence does not make my task easier.

This is definitely one of the most difficult conversations I have ever had.

Conversations?

No, it is not a conversation, rather a monologue as I did all the talking.

For the last ten minutes Gill just sat by her table, still as a statue. Her back turned to me, face focused on the window. In this pose I can't read her and truth to be told – I'm not sure I want to. Call me a coward, but I'm too afraid of what I might see.

I raise my gaze and look outside the window just above her head.

Small droplets of rain leave wet trails as they slide down the glass. Someone once said that those were tears of angels. I never believed in melancholic things, but at this instant it somewhat seems appropriate.

From the last night it is pouring like there is no tomorrow and even at this ungodly wee hour the rain and the wind hasn't subdued. The gloom and murky weather outside completely matches the atmosphere inside.

I look back at Gill. Not a single sound had escaped her lips since I started to talk. She never turned to see my face, never interrupted or asked any questions. Not even a sigh or sob escaped her lips. Suddenly it feels like I'm talking to a wall.

Fear grips my heart like a merciless animal. I was so focused on what to say and how to say it that I never thought what comes next. Anger? Tears? Hysterics? Accusations? Disgust?

I know I'm a wanker. That I deserve all of the above and even more, but God knows I never wanted to make her sad, make her cry or hurt her in any way.

Still, with just one action I managed to do all of that.

Gill and I.

For long I believed that we are match made in heaven.

Last three years we spent together as a couple was happy time. We loved each other, we still love each other, and nothing can change that. The road to Gill's heart was long and when I conquered it, I felt like I'm the luckiest man alive.

What changed?

It is difficult to understand, even more difficult to explain.

Despite the fact that we love each other, we are not "in love". There is no sparkle, no breathtaking passion in our relationship. In other words – something crucial is missing.

Recently I found what I was searching for. Found it with someone else.

I never wanted it. It was not in my plans to be unfaithful to Gill, to betray her this way - it just happened.

For some time I have been summoning the courage to have this talk, talk that would end our relationship.

This is hard, terrible moment. If someone had told me three years ago that I would be the one who would initiate our separation, I would call this person a lunatic. But here we are. The fate has its own unpredictable twists.

The silence hangs heavily in the air. The situation escalates from highly unpleasant to depressingly awkward.

I take a step closer, open my mouth to speak, but no sound comes out. I really don't know what else to say or do. The damage is done. No words in the world can fix it.

Before I have a chance to take any action, I'm saved by the bell in the shape of Loker. He bursts in Gill's office and without even as much as "Good morning" starts to complain about some sort of emergency with one of the clients. The youngster is so consumed with the situation that he does not notice how tense the atmosphere in the room is, at least not yet.

It would be nice, if it stayed that way. I'm not so naive to believe that we could hide anything around here for long, but to stay beneath the radar at least till we sort it this out ourselves would be nice. I ask Loker some questions, but my mind is focused on Gill.

She hadn't moved, nodded or made any other indication that she is still alive. She just sat there as if the whole ordeal does not concern her.

Maybe the wisest thing to do is to leave her alone for some time. With one last glance at the unmoving form I head to the doors, Loker steady in my footsteps.

###

I haven't seen Gill for the most part of the day with the only exception of the weekly staff meeting.

As always I skip the bloody thing, but when I pass the room I can't help but hear her soft voice. It sounds steady, strong.

I take a quick peek inside. Her back is turned to me, but her posture is confident, head held high, shoulders back. No traces of emotional turmoil my morning's confession had put her in.

Despite what one might thing, I really do care how she feels. Nevertheless, it would be strange if I walked in right now, especially considering that I have never attended these meetings. I believe that it is a waste of time, but Gill had always been adamant that we have to ensure proper communication and feedback. Whatever.

I guess she will never cease to amaze me. Gill definitely knows how to hold her ground. She is much stronger than any of us gives her the credit. Underneath that sweet exterior lies the spirit to be matched. My girl! My lover...

_NO!_ I correct myself jumping away from the doors as if burned – my EX-lover. What is wrong with me? I have made my decision, there is no turning back.

Without a second glance I head to my office. From the start I knew that breaking up with Gill would be difficult, but I never realized how much so.

For the rest of the day I burry myself deep in the work - so deep that there simply is no time to think.

It is almost six when Heidi enters and informs that Gill wanted to see me. My palms momentarily become sweaty. With great trepidation in my heart I rise from the desk and move across the lobby to her office. Morning's fears grip my heart again.

What will happen now? What will her reaction be?

At least hundred times today I have played dozen different scenarios in my head. I know it was a stab in the back for Gill, but I really don't know how to make it alright again.

As I move closer to her office I pray for the anger. It is easier to deal with than tears.

Thought "_How could I do this to her?"_ reappears with annoying frequency.

Don't cry over spilled milk, I chide myself as I enter the semi dark room.

Only illumination comes from the half lit table lamp. Seeing me Gill stands up from her seat and moves to the window, away from the light. I can't see her face, her eyes, even her body is largely masked by the shadows. I guess that's the whole point.

Be it your way, luv. Out of respect of your privacy I will not probe. What right do I have to overstep the line you set after today? None.

Her voice is quiet and slightly rusty. I have to concentrate to hear it.

"This is my letter of resignation, which is not dated yet..."

I notice single sheet of paper with her delicate handwriting lying on her desk. Completely inappropriate thought that I have always loved her writing style enters my mind. I quickly chase it away.

In the meanwhile she continues, "I talked to Commander Bennett today. Try as I might, there was no way I could convince him to continue the contract without me as part of the firm. You know what will happen if we breach the contract – the fines alone will put both of us to the brink of bankruptcy. Unless you can talk to Commander and make him change his mind, I don't see any other option as to continue our partnership for another six months."

This is not a big surprise. I knew that without Gill onboard there was no way Bennett would continue the contract, but at this point it is least of my worries.

Our partnership is my main concern. I knew that it would be really hard to maintain it, but I didn't count for Gill to give up so easy either. I never thought that she would simply walk away. The firm, all that we created is as much hers as mine. I try to read her in the bloody darkness, but it does not work.

_What do you think? What do you feel? Why don't you fight, luv?_

These questions almost tear me apart, but I have no right to ask them. I have lost all my rights when it comes to this woman. Still...

"I don't want you to leave..." as soon as the words leave my moths I realize have stupid they sound. It is ten times lamer than my morning's attempts to explain myself.

It's bonkers! At first I declare that I'm breaking up with her, because I have found someone I had fallen in love with. Now I announce that I don't want her to leave. Even by my standards it is cruel.

"I believe it is not your decision to make," there is no accusation or anger in her tone, mere recognition of the fact.

As much as I try to decipher her, I can't. More than anything else she sounds tired.

Although I should be glad that there are no hysterics or tears, that there are no unreasonable demands or righteous accusations, I suddenly feel hurt. Truth to be told I expected more emotions from her.

Suddenly I realize that anything - be it anger, grief or resentment, was better than this blind acceptance. It makes everything we had look so small and insignificant, although it was anything but that. Our love was true and genuine. Our relationship was blessing. I know that just being with Gillian had made me a better person. Unfortunately, human heart lives a life of its own and is always in search, until it finds what it was looking for.

"At least let me..." I try, but in the same flat and emotionless tone she sharply cuts me off in the middle of the sentence.

"You have done enough for one day. Please leave."

It is one of those rare times when I obey without a fight.

###

I open the doors to my house and there she is. That dirty little smile playing on her full lips drives me crazy.

Zoe sees the bottle of champagne in my hand and crooks one of her eyebrows. Small cast of doubts lingers on her face.

"Did you tell her?"

Instead of answering, I greedily put my mouth against hers and, tossing the bottle of champagne aside, lift her in my arms. She responds to my actions with equal portion of sassiness and eagerness.

Without further adieu I carry my precious cargo to the bedroom.

All the doubts still lingering in my mind are swept away.

I have made my decision and it is final.

I'm in love with Zoe.

At this moment I know un-doubtfully that she had always been the one.

_tbc_


	2. Part 2

_**Note: **__Thanks to all the readers and even bigger thanks to the reviewers! I know the plot is not overly jolly, but I guess you already know that romantic and sweet is not exactly my style. Still I hope you won't give up on the story, at least not yet..._

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**Part 2**

**POV – Gill**

When Cal came to my office today, I knew that was it. The end.

I have suspected for some time that there was someone else in his life, someone who can fulfil him in a way that I can't.

This knowledge hurts more than I can possibly say. Don't get me wrong. It is not that I don't want to fight for him. To know things and to do something about them are two completely different things. Truth is that I don't know how to fight. Never knew.

Despite how much you want, you can't force someone into a relationship he doesn't want. Even if you threaten or press on compassion, it is a short term solution at best. Only outcome is to make the other person miserable. He or she will be bound to you for all the wrong reasons. Trust me, I learned that first handily.

For the last year of our marriage Alec quite successfully applied these tactics on me. Our relationship had fallen apart long before I finally mustered the courage to file for the divorce. Whenever I tried to talk about separation, there always was fight. Alec either accused me of being a bad wife, who was too consumed with her carrier to care about home and husband or threatened to leave me broke if I left. With his contacts he has the power to do it. As ashamed as I am to admit it, his tactics worked. Fear and guilt are strong arguments. Nevertheless, the worst was when he threatened to harm himself. Question "_what if those were not just words?" _hang upon me like a guillotine ready to fall.

For long time I stayed in a relationship I didn't want, that had become a tiresome burden. It was tormenting. Sometimes in the evenings I sat in my car in front of the house fighting the desire to run away. It sounds terrible, but I didn't want to see my husband, feel his arms wrapping around my body, and sense his breath against my skin.

When Alec slipped and started to take coke again, my patience was full. If he couldn't care less about me and my feelings, why did I have to give a damn?

We split up, went our own separate ways and as strangely the world didn't fall apart. He didn't harm himself or seek for revenge and I didn't die from guilt, didn't feel like failure - alone, old and undesired.

Cal and I. In my mind I have always feared that this relationship would never work. Even more so I was afraid of what would come after, if it didn't work out. Our friendship had been a long-lasting rock of stability. I'm not sure whether I can survive without it.

Unfortunately the reason always loses to the heart. I love him more than I have ever loved anyone.

I allowed myself to be blinded, to believe in a fairy tale, hope for a happily ever after, to have naive dream that with me he will find what he was looking for.

I should have known better.

Life is a bitch!

There are no happy endings, just cold harsh reality. Reality being that husband exchanged me for a dose and the love of my life – for another woman.

I feel devastated as I listen to his words. He has this whole speech prepared. It is not me; he never wanted it to happen, especially this way. Zoe and he simply happened.

As if it makes it better!

I can't fall apart. I have to stay strong, to survive.

I try hard to take everything at face value, to lock my emotions away and keep at least illusion of dignity. God, it is so difficult!

I'm still in the haze from his confession.

Zoe of all the people!

Luckily Loker interrupts and Cal is forced to leave. In complete autopilot I lock the doors and lower the curtains. The tears I tried so hard to suppress break free and I fall down on my knees right in front of the doors. My only hope is that my desperate sobs I try to burry in the sleeve of my sweater can't be heard outside.

It took me a while to compose myself. When I'm finally calm enough to look into the mirror, the image scares me.

No, this is definitely not a way to go!

If I'm going down, I'm going down with head held high. Ladies and gentlemen, let the orchestra play!

With trembling hands I search for my cosmetics bag. Twenty minutes of manipulations, some tricks learned over years and I look as good as new. Even the redness of my eyes had reduced to acceptable level, the puffiness almost disappeared.

Good!

Just in time. There is a knock on the doors and Heidi's voice informs that staff meeting is about to start in five minutes.

Take a grip - life goes on with or without Cal Lightman in it.

###

Good lord, I can't believe I managed. Not even once my voice faltered. Practice gained over years. As I drop into the chair, thoughts momentarily return to the morning and Cal's words. My first instinct is to resign, to leave the firm, the state, maybe even the continent and start everything from a scratch somewhere else. It does not matter where, as long as unearthly happy Zoe and Cal are not part of the picture.

More I think about it, more reasonable this solution seems. I'm not referring to the continent part. I mean leaving the Lightman Group.

Resignation. It is a coward's way, but for once it is my way. I'm not strong enough to see him every day and pretend that nothing happened. It hurts too much to even think about it.

I switch on the PC and quickly skim through the current cases, trying to calculate how much time would be needed to tie up loose ends, when I see e-mail from Commander Bennett. My heart skips a beat as the realisation hits me. Shivers run down my spine.

My contract, our biggest asset!

Bennett once confessed that it was my creditability and recommendations and not Cal's credentials that landed the account to the Lightman Group. As silly as it sounds, it really boosted my self confidence at the time.

The contract with the CIA is huge, even Cal can't argue with that. For the last two and a half years it alone accounted for at least fifty percent of the yearly turnover of the firm. Steady, guaranteed income. Unfortunately the contract expires only in six months. The fines to pay, if we don't keep our end of bargain, are rocket high. It is my signature that guarantees the validity. If I left, it would be considered as breach. Shit! I never expected that one at the time considered insignificant condition that I personally have to review and approve all the reports submitted to the CIA could become such a pain. Well, truth to be told I never expected to leave the firm either, but things happen.

Cal's reputation is what it is – brilliant, but unpredictable. Besides, Cal and Commander Bennett started their relationship from the wrong page. Bennett is strict, but fair man. Cal's clear disrespect for titles and hierarchy as well as his quirkiness does not go well with the Commander. The fact that Cal calls him a bloated Puffball and aggravates the man on purpose does not help the matters either.

Cooperation with Bennett had been really pleasant. Over time the Commander has become almost like a fatherly figure to me. I don't want to let him down, but currently I don't see any other option.

Maybe, I muse, things have progressed between the two and Bennett would agree to work with Cal even without me in the picture. There is only one way to find it out! Desperate times call for desperate measures. With a sigh I take off the receiver and dial familiar number.

The conversation is short and the result – not overly surprising. I almost begged the Commander to change his mind, but the man is unmovable rock and his decision - final. I do understand his reasons, but the anger that has overtaken me is almost choking. At this moment I hate them all – Cal for his betrayal, Bennett for his bullheadedness, even Heidi who chooses exactly this moment to enter with some report.

I look at the clock and my brows rise in surprise. It is almost six. Where did the time go? It feels like only minutes ago Cal was standing in my office saying words that turned my whole life upside down.

I quickly grab the report and ask Heidi to tell Cal that I want to have a word with him. I want, no not want - need to sort this out today, while I still have the courage and determination. It is now or never kind of situation.

When he enters, I step away from the light and turn my back to him. It is easier this way. I don't see him and he can't read me.

"This is my letter of resignation, which is not dated yet...", I tell him about the conversation with Commander. As much as I might hate Cal at this moment, I simply can't destroy something I have worked hard on for the better part of my life. If I left, not only our business, but personal financial situation would be jeopardized. I know that he understands the risks. Not only in terms of money, but also reputation. That is why his next words surprise me.

"I don't want you to leave..."

I almost choke from a splash of anger.

What the hell is he thinking? Is he thinking at all?

He really expected that he would waltz back to Zoe and we would simply continue our partnership as if nothing ever happened? Jerk!

I want to scream at him, I want to slap him, to make him hurt the same way I'm hurting, but instead I hear my voice saying, "I believe it is not your decision to make."

How I managed to speak in a levelled tone is beyond me.

Still, even in my aggravated state I hear all the sadness and pain in his tone. Anger starts to melt. I have never been able to stay angry at Cal for long.

Overwhelming longing washes over me in huge waves. More than anything else in the world I want him to hug me tightly and never let go, to say that it all was just a stupid joke, that he would never leave me, never love someone else as much as he loves me...

At the same time with almost frightening clarity I know that it is not an option, not now - not ever again.

"At least let me..."

No! Enough tormenting for today. I can't take it anymore!

Not letting him finish the sentence I scold, "You have done enough for one day. Please leave."

For once he does as asked.

_tbc_


	3. Part 3

_**Note: **__Your reviews are really appreciated – for those who like angst here is the next chapter_

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**Part 3**

**POV – Gill**

Week has passed. I have come to terms with Cal's decision, accepted it and locked away my feelings. Still my heart slowly oozes every time I see him at the office. I feel the poison spreading through my veins from his unearthly happy face. It is killing me slowly, but inevitably.

Did he ever love me?

Did our relationship mean anything to him?

He just left as if "we" never existed. I feel like a rag doll that was thrown away, replaced with better, prettier and more exciting model.

Work had always been my one place of refugee, but lately it had become a burden. I don't want to wake up in the mornings, don't want to get ready, don't want to go to the car and drive to the office. I don't want, but I do. My body acts on pure autopilot when I dress and put on the makeup. I don't have an appetite, can't force myself to take even bait.

Only pride keeps me going.

Each day I hide behind the mask of professional neutrality, I force myself to believe the lie that everything is alright when it is not.

Why?

Because I don't want Cal or anyone else see how distressed I am. Last thing I need is pity. It would kill me; make me feel like complete and utter failure.

Pride is my only weapon.

Still sometimes I do wonder whether people see what a hot mess I'm inside.

Last night I drank a half of bottle of whiskey while I cried myself to sleep. I don't remember the last time I managed to really rest. It is seven in the morning, but I already feel tired as I enter the office.

Five e-mails from one of our biggest clients flashes the screen. My already flat mood drops below zero when I realise that those are complaints about disrespect of the deadlines and poor quality of the reports.

Rader!

**POV – Cal**

It feels strange to pass her in the lobby; run into her in the kitchen, see her in the meetings. Gill had been integral part of my life for over a decade. I don't want to throw our friendship away, but I don't know how to fix it either. I understand that working together like this is hard for her; it is hard for me too. We are so close and yet so far that it seems unreal.

Familiar fragrance hits my nostrils as I walk through the lobby and for a moment I'm taken back to a place where everything was simpler. Where we could talk and laugh without this unnerving awkwardness. Now our communication is limited to absolute necessity.

I'm managing Ria, Gill oversees Loker and Rader. It means that two thirds of the cases are with her, but not only that. She is also dealing with contracting, accounting, finances and reporting. Sometimes I wonder how she can manage it all. Come to think of it, she hadn't complained even once in all these years.

Our conversations are limited to important and urgent work related matters and complex cases.

I don't regret my decision to break up; I just want to find a way to make our partnership work again, at least to break the solid wall of ice that stands between us.

The cell in my pocket starts to vibrate. I stop as I take the jumping thing out of the jacket. When I see caller ID, huge smile appears on my face. Most probably I look like an idiot, but I don't care. It's Zoe. We act like school kids in love. It is so amazing, liberating feeling that I don't want it to end, ever. Becoming an item again was the best thing that had happened to me.

I'm so consumed with texting that I almost collide with the doors of Gill's office that are sharply kicked open right in front of my nose. Rader pissed as the devil storms out and literally flies across the hall. Only attributes missing for full picture are some horns and a tail.

I look inside.

Gill stands by her table, a bit out of breath, cheeks slightly red. The expression of defeat is written all over her features, shoulders down, hands slightly trembling as she collects some papers. Apparently one of their usual fights got a bit out of hand.

The fact that they fight is old news. Everyone in the office knows that these two have their differences.

Rader is very talented, but aggravatingly arrogant. Gill is saint for putting up with the man. If it wasn't for Jack's skills, I would have fired the bastard long ago. The problem is that as annoying as the son of the bitch is, he surely knows how to work with people, how to get into their good grace. That is why he is second after Gill, who lands the firm most important accounts. Last month alone he brought four new corporative clients. It is easy to find a case-to-case work, but to sign long term contract in this business requires certain skills. Steady contracts mean bigger financial independence and guaranteed income which is important factor when you have mortgage for the office space and for the house, when you have to think about college tuition fees for you teenage daughter and want to take the woman you love to a romantic five star getaway in Paris. Aside from that (as much as I hate to admit) the jerk has a gift - he is one of the best behavioural analysts we could ever have. Besides, his net of connections is another asset that is hard to neglect. Still, I'm not overly thrilled to see how their bitching affects Foster.

"Can I help you with something, luv?" I ask hoping that Gill wouldn't decline my offer.

Fat chance!

Seeing me she momentarily straightens her posture, chin raised in defiance as she states, "No need to worry. Everything is under control."

Somehow red blooded anger on Rader's face doesn't exactly support this statement, but I don't want to get in the middle of her affairs. I know Gill well enough to be sure that if the situation spins out of control, offended or not she would talk to me.

I wave Heidi on my way out of the office. Zoe and I agreed to have a breakfast together. If I'm lucky enough it will stretch out to become a lunch...

**POV - Gill**

Our talk ends up in an argument.

Again.

I haven't been feeling well lately, but this fight drains away my last resorts of energy.

Jack storms out of my office. Suddenly I feel lightheaded. As I lean on the table for support, I hear Cal's voice. He volunteers to help and for a second I'm tempted to take him up on the offer. This desire vaporises into thin air as soon as I see his expression.

Pity.

With almost supernatural power I strengthen myself and in as even tone as I can muster, I dismiss him, "No need to worry. Everything is under control."

There are no doubts that he knows I'm lying, but lately he does not push me even when he sees it. I guess that is the only good thing that had come out of our breakup.

As soon as Cal leaves, I heavily fall into the chair. It takes a moment to gather myself. Head is pounding, a clear signal that the migraine is not far behind.

There is a light knock on the doors as they open. Heidi brings in one our clients.

Just what I need!

I try to focus on what both of them say, but it is almost inhuman effort. Like a spider web headache spreads through my head. I feel I'm going to be sick.

Somehow I muster expression of polite interest. The guy has some questions he wants to clarify. I take his file from Heidi and usher both out of my office.

Wherever Loker is, he shall have to take over. It is his case after all.

**POV – Rader**

Fuck it! I have more cases that anyone else in the office, still Foster has the audacity to scold me about freaking deadlines and quality of paperwork. Who the hell besides this nightmare in heels reads the bloody reports?

Sometimes I wonder that maybe Ria is the lucky one after all. Cal is impossible to deal with, his ego has a life of its own, but at least the man would never be such a pain in the ass about the fucking paperwork.

When I entered the office this morning, my mood was more than excellent. Last night's gig and consequent pleasantries with two blondes was still hot in my mind. My mood drops by hundred degrees when upon entering the office Heidi informs me that Foster wanted to see me. I know what the talk will be about and it is not something I look forward to.

Ten minutes in her office and we are having a fight.

Again.

Foster has the ability to get under my skin the way no one else can. To say that her accusations are without any reason would be a lie, but she could cut me some slack.

Our bitching has escalated to all new levels since she and Cal broke up.

They think that no one knows. How arrogant! We wouldn't be doing what we do and receive what we are getting paid, if we didn't catch up everything that was going on around here. Not that sexual life of my bosses is anyhow my business (unlike some others I have a life beyond these walls), but when it reflects on me, it is beyond even my vaguely set limits.

With one last snide remark I fly out of her office. To say I'm pissed beyond reason would be understatement of the year.

Still steaming I enter the kitchen where I see Ria and Eli sitting by the table with cups of hot coffee in their hands.

"What's wrong?" Ria asks raising eyebrows in surprise. Apparently the anger is radiating from me in almost visible waves.

I know I'm about to say more than I should, but the lava bubbling inside me desperately needs an outlet.

"I'm sick of Foster and her preaching's! Who the hell she is to scold us every day like dumb kids! Cal shouldn't have dumped her so abruptly. Out of courtesy he could shag her once in a while or at least find someone who would keep her bed warm. The woman is acting like unsatisfied lioness in the mating season. Mark my words, if someone won't fuck her soon, she will become bigger pain in the ass than our master himself."

There is more I want to say, but sudden change in Loker's expression makes me weary. The man looks as if he had seen a ghost. Quirky smirk that just seconds ago decorated his boyish face is replaced with a mixture of fear and shame. As I turn around, I hear Ria choking on her coffee.

_Fuck!_ Silent curse escapes my lips at the sight that greets me. Out of the blue Heidi, Gill and one of our clients had appeared in the doors. Their expressions are priceless. The question how much they have heard is pointless.

I see contempt radiating from Heidi as her cheeks turn crimson, notice utter surprise like a silly mask plastered on the guy, but it is not what bothers me. My attention is focused solely on Foster.

She looks like someone had poured a bucket of sulphuric acid on her. Face that lost all the pallor is sickly white, eyes dark and vacant. She seems so downtrodden and fragile that my head starts to pulse from the overabundance of the blood.

The room falls into deadly silence.

Gillian slightly falters and for a moment I'm sure that she will faint, but she surprises me. Somehow she pulls herself together, with a wave of hand summons Loker, gives him the file, in a horse quiet voice apologizes to the guy and hands him over to Eli. As soon as both men turn to leave, she spins on her heel and without a single glance in our direction speeds away with a pace that would put most sportsmen into a shame.

Revulsion from what just happened raises in me making me feel literally sick.

It wasn't meant for her ears!

Why the hell did I open my mouth in the first place? Oh yes - she got on my nerves and I blew up. Lame excuse!

We have our differences, everyone knows that. Our fights are an eye-to-eye sparing match - my snide remarks against her arguments and reasoning. I never back away, never make it easy, but she has always been able to hold her ground.

But this... This was way over the line! In every sense!

She does not deserve this, does not deserve to be humiliated like this, especially in front of others.

I didn't mean to... didn't want... but I did.

_tbc_


	4. Part 4

_**Note: **__Thanks to all who are still following the story... _

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**Part 4**

**POV - Gill**

In complete haze I somehow manage to get to my office and lock the doors. As soon as I reach the table my feet give away and I practically fall into the chair. Sharp pain shoots through my head making me wince as I tightly shut my eyes. There are no tears, just overwhelming resentment, first of all to myself.

I hate Rader for what he said, but I hate myself even more for what it made me realise. I remember smirk on Loker's face, even quick splash of amusement on Ria's as they listened to Jack's tirade. Consciously or not they agree with him. The fact that everyone sees what a pathetic hot mess I have become since Cal dumped me hurts even more than the words.

The screen of the PC flashes. The blinking reminder screams that in fifteen minutes we have meeting with potential investors.

No! How could I forget it is today?!

It is a major thing for the firm. If everything goes well, we will receive the funding needed to launch new research project that is crucial to deepen the understanding on interpretation of intonations and gestures. It is too late to shift the timing.

I have to be there.

Jack has to be there.

I wish I could simply kick Rader out, but I can't. He is our highest selling expert and the bastard knows it. There is no one as good as Jack when it comes to the representation of the firm. Besides he always works with me on Bennett's cases and has gained Commander's trust. The investors are close friends of the Commander and he personally recommended us as highly professional, reliable and responsible partners. The man expects both of us there and no excuse in the world would justify mine or Jack's absence.

With a sigh I try to compose myself for the upcoming meeting.

How on earth am I going to make it?

**POV - Cal**

I'm in good mood, no – an excellent mood! To escape the work for a romantic lunch - what can be better? Zoe and I had a great time in our favourite restaurant that is conveniently located not too far from the office.

I have forgotten how thrilling it is to sneak away from everything and everyone just to spend some time together - relaxing and enjoying each other's company. Gill always follows reason and not a whim of a moment. She wouldn't just drop everything and disappear in the middle of the day just for the fun of it. Even before we started dating I tried to play on her silly side, to make her break the rules and at least for once be the bad girl. Never succeeded. She simply is too right and responsible to jump on the rollercoaster without ticket. Zoe on the other hand has the same passionate spirit I do. I'm not comparing, just saying.

Besides the fact that they both are gorgeous and smart, they are complete opposites. I need this special brand of craziness in my woman, this unsatisfiable passion and carelessness.

I'm so relaxed that I almost miss the strange expression on Heidi's face. Off course she does not want to tell me what brought it on, but I can be very persuasive. All the euphoria momentarily vaporizes when I hear the details of the accident between Jack and Gill.

Bastard! I will kill him with my bare hands!

"Where is he?"

My voice roars through the almost empty lobby. Heidi slightly jumps and quickly glances in the direction of the cube. I don't need any other confirmation. The blood pounds in my head making it difficult to concentrate on what she is trying to say. Without paying any attention to her words I march down the lobby.

Startled gazes of the employees fall upon me as I enter the office. If people were afraid of me before, they are simply terrified now. I don't remember ever being so pissed off.

I completely lose it, when Rader's smiling face falls into my line of vision through the glassed wall of the cube.

Son of the bitch!

With a shove I open the see-through doors. From the corner of the eye notice that there are several people, but at this point I don't care. In two huge strikes I have reached my target. As my right hook meets bastard's face I hear Gill's terrified shriek:

"Cal! Stop!"

There is no surprise or fear on Rader's face as he clutches his bleeding nose, but I'm not done yet.

**POV - Gill**

I have to admit that after morning's accident Rader is at his best behaviour and works his butt off to make impression on our potential investors. Our presentation of the project went well. Still there are a lot of questions to be answered, but that is to be expected when someone gives you the money for science and not commerce. I look at the clock and realise that almost three hours has passed since we started.

Suddenly the doors to the cube are unceremoniously kicked open and Cal storms inside. His intentions written all over the face distorted in angry scowl. This is the first time in life I'm afraid of the man.

Somehow I know what is about to happen, but have no idea how to stop it. My weak attempt to intervene, lands on deaf ears.

I see blood as Rader puts hand to his nose, but Cal is not done yet.

Commander's thunderous baritone literally splits the air.

"Stop this nonsense right now!"

Bennett's guards drag the fighters apart. I see expression of surprise and fear on investor's faces and a mix of irritation and anger on Commander's. There will be a hell to pay! Bennett made this whole meeting possible, personally recommended us as highly professional, reliable and responsible partners. With one act Cal destroyed it all...

"Take those two outside to cool and you..." Bennett ominously points in my direction, "stay."

With trepidation in heart I watch as Ria and Heidi accompany the investors to the exit, how Cal is practically dragged away by two of Bennett's officers and Rader - ushered to the other room by Loker. I'm the only one staying behind, the only one whose head will fall. Most stinging part is that it will be chopped off for something I had no control over.

Suddenly I feel tired and empty. I don't have energy to justify their actions, to justify our professionalism and competence. Not after everything that happened today.

Unpleasant thought that makes me feel even more miserable and pathetic crosses my mind. By now everyone in the office knows why Cal and Rader got into fist fight. Hot wave of embarrassment washes over me. How will I look them all in the eye after this fiasco?

I can see how angry and disappointed in me Bennett is. I promised that he wouldn't regret his decision and this happens. Is there even point to invent inexistent excuses?

Sharp pain runs through my head and for a second my vision blurs. I guess stress just boosted my blood pressure rocket high. Lately the nerves are getting better of me.

Luckily Bennett doesn't see me faltering as he continues his tirade. His loud voice that echoes in my head only worsens the bloody headache.

Question that I don't have an answer for keeps playing loops in my head.

Why me?

Why always me?

_tbc_


	5. Part 5

**Part 5**

**POV – Cal**

I see a group of employees gathering in the lobby, no doubts – enjoying the show. Not every day your boss is humiliatingly dragged out from his own meeting room by two armed guerrillas.

As soon as we are outside, the wrestling team champions release my arms. I cast them cold look, but they don't even flinch. Why the hell Bennett is walking around with personal army? Self-confident bastard believes he is so important that someone could give a shit about him. Delusions of grand jour!

Still pissed as a bull in a red room I bark at employees, "Get lost! If you don't have a work to do, you are fired!"

The people start to move and soon the reception is occupied only by me, Heidi and Bennett's bodyguards.

I can't decide what to do next. By this point I already realised that I screwed up the meeting with investors Gill told me about. Not without Gill's persuasion Commander used his connections and found money for the research project we want to launch. It does not take a clairvoyant to say that after today's fiasco there will be no deal.

I could try and talk to Bennett, but I'm afraid that it would only worsen the matters. Besides, I'm not the type of person who could kiss someone's ass even if my life depended on it.

Come to think of it, even Gill's eloquence could be insufficient this time.

I don't regret that I hit Rader, he deserved it and even more, but I shouldn't have done it in front of all those people. As always my temper got better of me. Commander already thinks of me as lunatic. With this stunt I only deepened this belief.

I look back at the closed doors. Gill's expression of utter terror mixed with shame plays vividly in front of my eyes. The whole situation is stupid to say the least. Raider and I are guilty, but Gill will have to pay the price. I can only imagine how pleasant conversation she is having with Bennett right this moment. The woman will have to bend over in most unpleasant ways (figuratively speaking off course) to cover up our asses.

Best thing I could do is to avoid additional drama. Not to worsen already highly uncomfortable and ugly situation I retreat to my office.

We all could use some time to cool down.

**POV – Rader**

Thanks to Ria's manipulations, the nose had stopped bleeding. I can't say I didn't expect or deserve it, but I'm mad at Cal nevertheless. Too bad we got separated. It would be a chance to resolve all our issues once and for all. The bastard ruined month's long work. No boot licking in the world will repair the deal. What angers me most is that Cal has nothing to do with morning's accident, but still he acts like righteous nemesis. Foster is the only one who was hurt, only person who deserves my sincere apology.

Even from behind closed doors I can hear Commander's loud, full of disapproval tone. Through glass wall I see Foster. Her small and delicate form almost disappears behind Bennett's large shape. We have worked together for quite some time, but I have never seen her so defeated. She looks like a butterfly with crashed wings. No objections, even weak attempts to object or defend herself. It is so unlike usually strong and confident woman that a lump rises up my throat. One thing you could always count on is Foster's wit. She has charisma and eloquence that could turn even most unendurable man into a purring kitten. What is going on? Is it really because of what I said earlier?

Bennett's irritated voice grows louder and louder. Something inside me snaps.

Temida might be blind, but she sure as hell isn't deaf.

It was Cal and me who got into a fight, but it is Foster who suffers the consequences. Even I, who normally cares little if at all for others, have to admit it is wrong.

Not paying any attention to what Loker and Ria are saying, I jump to my feet and head to the office. Once there I take new shirt out of the closet and put it on. I grab a tie, one that is not smeared with blood, clean myself and head back.

As I enter the room, Ria tries to intervene, but my deadly gaze stops her dead in the tracks. Without hesitation I open the doors of the cube. Bennett's eyebrows raise sky high in annoyed surprise when I cut him in the middle of the sentence.

"Commander, with all due respect, please let me explain. Ms Foster cannot be held responsible for the fight between Mr Lightman and me. There was no way that she could predict our conflict as it is not business related, but personal. I'm truly sorry you and your friends had to witness such an ugly sight. I can promise that it was the first and the last time something like this happens. Mr Lightman and I will deal with our differences outside the office. If you have to blame someone – blame me, but not Gillian. I'm ready to take any punishment, even resign, if that what is needed to continue your cooperation with the firm."

From the corner of my eye I see Foster's dumbfounded expression. Genuine surprise is replaced with suspicion as she tries to figure my motivation.

For whatever reason, it stings.

**POV - Gillian**

I have to confess that somewhere deep down I hoped that Cal would waltz in and "save the day", but never in my wildest dreams would I expected Rader to step in my defence. I always believed he slept and dreamed of the day when I stumbled and he could have a shot for the partnership.

No, I correct myself. He is stepping in not for you, but for the firm.

With Rader nothing is ever to be taken at face value. There has to be some master plan, a personal gain. Even in my haze I can put two and two together. If he saves the contract, he will be the hero, but one thing does not add up – the resignation card. Jack has worked with Commander and knows how quirky he can be. What if he takes up the offer? It is a possibility. As former army man Commander strongly believes that a mistake or misdeed can be corrected only if someone gets properly punished.

My headache escalates to all new levels as a wave of pain shoots through my head. From the pressure building in my temple my ears get clogged and all I hear are distant murmurs.

The room falls into silence and Commander's expectant gaze locks on me. Apparently he addressed me, but I have absolutely no clue what to reply. If he realises that I'm not listening, it will be a disaster. I'm drowning in the middle of the ocean and there is no lifeboat on the horizon.

Out of despair I glance at Rader. He nods, as if agreeing. I repeat the gesture. Seems it was the right answer. Bennett shifts his attention back to Jack. They are talking, but my head hurts too much concentrate even on reading the lips. I can't gather my thoughts at all. From the corner of my eye I try to catch Bennett's body language. Whatever Rader is promising to the man seems to work. Let's just hope it is not my head served on a golden plate.

Rader shakes hands with Commander and leads him to the doors. I see Ria through the glass and wave her to accompany Bennett on his way out. Less time he spends with Rader, better for all of us.

Out of the blue Rader snaps his fingers in front of my eyes and I almost jump. When did he get back? His lips are moving, but I don't hear the words. My head feels like it will explode any moment.

_tbc_


	6. Part 6

**Part 6**

**POV – Rader**

At the doors of the cube I shake hands with Commander and Ria takes over.

I sigh. It was tense. Commander is a tough man to please even on best days. Luckily my charm worked well in my advantage. Sometimes I feel I could successfully sell refrigerators to Eskimos. I am so damned good!

I turn around and look at Foster. Actually, I've been observing her the whole time. She just sits there lost in her own world. When Commander addressed her, she looked like a deer caught in the headlights. For the love of God, woman! Can't you at least pretend to listen? He is our biggest client after all. Actually not ours – yours. You are the only reason we have the deal with CIA in the first place, everyone knows it.

"Care to join the land of living?" I ask trying to break the ice. Sarcasm had always been our way. It seems that she does not even see me. Foster almost falls from the chair when I snap my fingers in front of her eyes. Only then I notice that something is wrong.

Suddenly I get worried. Her face had turned from grey to sickly green, perspiration visibly shines on her translucent skin. Eyes are bloodshot, glazy and unfocused. When I shift and light hits her face, Foster winces as if in pain.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," her voice is barely audible and the faltering gives no creditability to the statement whatsoever.

The woman can be so infuriating at times!

It is clear as day that Foster is anything but fine, but the hell would freeze before she would admit it. Sudden splash of anger runs through me.

"Right. Look into the mirror. Even the death would be terrified seeing you."

There is no reply to my outburst. Foster sits by the table cradling head in her arms, but when I try to take her wrist and measure the pulse she flips out.

"Leave me alone," the pitch of her voice is high. Foster stands, her legs shaking. Looks like her intention to push me away or slap was interrupted by a wave of dizziness. Her small palms clutch the fabric of my shirt as she tries to straighten herself.

For the second time today I'm covered in blood. Foster's face is frozen in complete confusion as her eyes roam over me trying to locate the source. She has not realised yet that the blood is literally pouring from her nose. The flow is so strong that everything around - starting from the table and ending up with the floor, gets covered in biological hazard.

I point at her face as I hand her the handkerchief. Finally realisation hits her.

"I will call an ambulance," I state firmly.

For whatever reason instead if lifting her chin up, she leans forward. Silly thing! Everyone knows that tilting the head down only heightens the pressure.

"No ambulance," even choking with her own body liquid her voice is flat and leaves no room for objections, "You already created enough drama with me in the main role today. Back off or you're fired."

Considering that Bennett did not left us flat and dry only because of my intervention, the threat sounds as minimum silly, but I know the woman well enough to see she really means it. Foster presses the handkerchief to the nose in a desperate attempt to stop the blood. I want to make her lean back, but as soon as I touch her again, she pushes my hands away. Stubborn woman!

If I didn't know better, I would simply drag her to the nearest E.R. with or without her consent. Problem is that over years I have learned when not to push the envelope. This is one of those times. Foster might look sweet and subtle, but if you get on her bad side (where I have been more than enough times) you would learn what a devil in disguise she truly is. Besides, if others saw us right now, they would decide that I have taken our verbal attacks to all new level and Foster's dishevelled look is my masterpiece. It could end really ugly.

Still, I can't simply walk away. The woman is a bloody mess and I mean it literally.

"Foster..."

She does not listen as she pushes past me and unsteadily heads out the room, leaving wet trail of blood drops behind. The doors close behind her and for whatever reason my eyes stay fixed on the crimson colour covered doorknob.

I look down and see the same tone on my hands and clothes. Already second shirt today is ruined and it is expensive silk.

Fuck!

One could think that I work in a slaughterhouse and not a solid firm. Hopefully the drycleaners won't put me in the list of serial killers. Well, at least it should be a list of killers with exceptional taste in clothing.

The room itself looks like a cradle of Jack the Ripper. I guess there is no one else but me who will have to clean the mess in order to avoid unnecessary questions.

Just peachy!

**POV – Gill**

My head is killing me. Temple pulses from abundance of blood with almost visible force. Why the hell Rader can't leave me alone? I don't want to see him, don't want to talk to him. Shame and humiliation I faced in the morning, Cal with his stunts and rattled as grizzly Bennett – it is simply too much. I can't take it anymore!

I feel Jack's hands on me. That is the last straw! I want to punch him, but as I stand up my head spins and I end up kind of pushing him away, kind of leaning on him for support. I steady myself, but when I take my hands off his shirt, I notice red strains.

What happened? Is he hurt? How? Why? He points at my face and only then I feel warm sticky liquid covering my skin. Suddenly it is difficult to breath. I automatically lean down, but the pounding in my head doubles.

"I will call an ambulance," his voice echoes in my head.

"No ambulance!"

I hate hospitals, but more than that I can't tolerate Rader's fake worry for my wellbeing. What is more important – I don't want Cal to see me like this. Silly and irrational? Maybe, but at this point I don't care. Anger is what keeps me going.

"You already created enough drama with me in the main role today. Back off or you're fired."

There is not enough air. Rader tries to say something, but I don't listen.

I have to get out of here.

I desperately need air!

tbc


	7. Part 7

**Note: **To those who asked for prompt update :)

* * *

**Part 7**

**POV – Cal**

One case solved, time to start another. Cheating wife is next on the list. God, how I hate those! Where the heck is the disk with the interview? Oh, yes, I left it in the work room last night. It means going back to the cube.

I look at the clock. They finished a while ago. Ria already informed me that Bennett will continue to work with us, but the deal of investment is off the table. I wanted to see how Foster is doing, but considering that at the moment she most definitely is righteously mad at me, decided to give her some time to chill.

With a sigh I stand up and stretch.

Where I was headed? Yes, right - the disk!

When I enter the room, I see Rader who with a grim expression on his face is mopping the floor inside the cube. The man looks disturbed, even worried. It makes me feel satisfied. Finally I managed to wipe that cheeky Cheshire cat smirk from his face!

My renewed intention to pass by Gill's office is cut short by Ria. Something urgent with her case. I try to get rid of the nosy girl, but boy can she be persistent.

**POV - Gill**

My office, my safe heaven! The doors shut behind with a thud. I'm glad no one saw me on the way. I can image what people would think seeing me like this.

I round the table and almost fall into the chair. Luckily the nosebleed has released some pressure from my head and the shooting pain has significantly lessened, but steady flow of the fluid terrifies me. I have had bleeding nose before, but never like this. Maybe Rader was right about hospital? No! It means people, questions, more people and more questions – I'm not up to such a challenge. All I want at this point is to be left alone.

Handkerchief Jack gave me is soaking wet. Metallic taste in my mouth is sickening. I need a glass of water. Luckily I always keep a carafe on my table.

My hands shake so violently that only thing I manage to do is pour good amount of water on my blouse. Cold, almost transparent material that presses against my skin causes Goosebumps. Unpleasant shivers run down my spine.

Just what I need!

I try to stand up and clean myself, but sudden wave of dizziness hits me. The carafe of water falls from my hands as I slide down the wall. Bottle splashes against the floor and million tiny pieces fly in all directions. Shreds of glass leave small cuts on my arms and legs.

Why does everything have to go so wrong today?

Miserable does not even start to describe the way I feel. Tears that I managed to keep at bay for the better part of day break free and roll down my cheeks mixing with blood. Unable to hold myself together I break down in violent sobs.

**POV - Rader**

I knock on the doors of Foster's office. No reply. The woman is inside for sure. Bloodied trail is unmistakable evidence. For a moment I contemplate whether I should leave, but then I remember her sickly look. What if the stubborn devil passes out?

I try the handle and the doors open. The lights in the room are dimmed. It seems empty, but it is only appearance. Noise coming from behind the table tells another story.

I round the piece of furniture. The sight that greets me sends me into stupor. Always immaculate and restrained Foster is sitting on the floor, knees drawn to the chest, all smeared in blood and sobbing like there is no tomorrow. Pieces of glass surround her like a broken shield. I notice small cuts and incisions on delicate skin. It is nothing major or life threatening, but still makes me uneasy.

The woman looks so tiny and lost that sudden wave of compassion washes over me. For whatever reason I feel somewhat responsible for her current state, like it was me who turned always confident, beautiful and collected boss into this broken creature.

Shaking hands that try to wipe away blood soaked tears only make the matters worse. I would have never imagined that Foster could be this way – so unguarded, so unprotected – so... feminine.

Women! Try and figure them. She could have simply send me to hell (God knows I deserve it) and instead of taking Bennett's wrath for once in the life (actually for the first time in life!) force me and Lightman take the blame and clean our own mess. At least that is what I would have done being in her shoes, but of course it is not the way she operates.

People think that Cal is the backbone of this place.

Bullshit!

Foster is the true grey cardinal. Nothing around here takes place without her word. Only to outsider it could seem that it is Lightman's kingdom where he reins and rules. After all - his name decorates the entrance plate.

If it was his decision, I would have been fired long ago. He can't stand someone who has his own opinion that does not fall in line with Calvision.

Now I have become too much of an asset and even Cal would think twice before getting rid of me, but when I just started it was Foster who stood up for me and didn't let Lightman as he kindly put it _throw me out on the street where I belong_.

Without Foster this place would have fallen apart long ago. Cal might be brilliant, but he is a visionary and has no touch with the reality. Reality being bills to pay, financial statements to prepare, budget forecasts to make, employees to coordinate – all that and even more is what Foster brings to the table.

Although I would die before admit it out loud, I have always secretly admired her inner strength and diplomacy. Not everyone has the guts to deal with all of this and Lightman of all the people on daily basis.

"Hey, cut it! What if someone else comes in?" I duck down and with softness that surprises even myself touch her shoulder.

There is no recognition. It seems that she is lost somewhere in her own miserable world. Then it hits me. Those are not just tears, it is full blown hysteria. Fuck! I have absolutely no clue what to do. All I know is that according to is clinical definition hysteria is a human psychological disorder, which portrays uncontrollable emotional excesses. How the hell that helps?

You refused the ambulance when it was not too late. Now all you got is me, so don't complain later.

As carefully as possible, I take away pieces of glass. Then I trace her jaw line to the highest point, just under the ear, where it meets the bump in the skull and with another arm support her head from the other side. Without slightest consideration, I impose force on the pressure point. I know it hurts like hell and paralyses the ability to speak for a moment, but pain is a great way to bring a person back to the senses. As my dad used to say - crude but effective.

I can tell that Foster wants to fight, but even in her incoherent state she knows better. Any movement would only add pressure to the soft spot and make matters worse.

Finally realisation dawns in her terrified eyes and I release my arms. The result is achieved - hysterics are over. For that I had to sacrifice already second shirt today. By now we both look like last survivors of a battle with orcs.

I can tell that she is fighting to regain at least illusion of composure. It takes some time, before she finally manages to speak, her voice hoarse and low.

"Could you?" Foster waves in uncertain direction, but I understand what she means.

"Keys?"

She points at the table. I find the bundle and head to the doors. We are on the same page here. If someone entered right this moment, they would decide that I'm carving Foster alive.

As soon as I turn the lock, our worst fears materialise. Someone knocks and presses the door handle. Our gazes lock and we freeze.

"Foster, I know you are there, open the doors...please... I want to apologise... Gill?"

Foster's expression is priceless. Like a terrified bunny facing hungry fox.

Her desperate eyes are pleading with me. I nod and stay still - even hold my breath.

If someone told me earlier that I, covered in Foster's blood, would be hiding in darkness of her office from Cal of all the people, I would have send this person to the nuthouse.

Still, here we are. Life is full of surprises to say the least. Even horde flying monkeys wouldn't astonish me right now.

"Let me explain... darling..."

Darling?! What a wanker!

Why the fuck isn't he leaving?

_tbc_


	8. Part 8

**Part 8**

**POV - Rader**

"Let me explain... darling..."

I'm no voice expert, but even I catch almost desperate notes in Cal's voice. So you CAN be drawn to your knees Mr Almighty. Who would have thought!

The man tries for several more minutes and not getting any reaction leaves. Finally we can breathe easily.

I round the table and help Foster to get up. The woman is trembling like a leaf in the storm. Her feet seem to be made out of jelly. As I pull her up, she trips and falls heavily into me. There is nothing even remotely erotic about the whole ordeal, but my reaction to her proximity is strong. Afraid that she could feel my manhood press against her lower body, I push her away and almost forcefully seat down into the chair.

What the fuck is wrong with me? I feel like a teenager in heat. One could think I have never seen wet, almost transparent shirt pressing against woman's chest before. Some of the girls I date have even shorter skirts than the amount of flesh I see because Foster's hem of the dress has rode up to waist. Grrrrrr... get a hold of yourself Jack!

Luckily Foster is too self-consumed to see my hungry stare literally ravaging her body.

She casts a look over the office as if seeing it for the first time. I catch myself wondering what the hell she is thinking, but my curiosity quickly vanishes. I have my own problems to deal with.

By the time Foster finally looks at me, I have managed to get a hold of my animal instincts.

"We need to clean the room," her tone unexpectedly collected and authoritative. No trace of previous weakness and emotional breakdown.

The woman is a freaking chameleon. She had always been, scientifically speaking, my blind spot. There is always this polite, friendly and open expression that makes you believe she wears all the emotions on sleeve. Only with time you learn that in reality it is perfectly crafted and immaculately executed mask. It is not that she is false or fake in anyway, just extremely guarded. Working with behavioural analysts for the better part of life could do it to a person.

Wait a second! We? What do I have to do with this? I don't recall hiring for cleaning services!

**POV - Gill**

I should have locked the doors on my way in. Rader is the last person on earth I want to see right now, but as strange as it might sound – better him than anyone else. At least I can count on his confidentiality. He will never tell anyone about my breakdown, especially Cal.

**POV – Cal**

I'm about to exit my office, but the sight in the lobby stops me dead in the tracks. Jack, looking like a lone survivor of Texas Chainsaw Massacre, drags a wet mop down the hall with each step kicking a bucket of water forward. The fact that the water spills from the container does not bother him at all. His expression is even grimmer (if it is possible!) than before. When I saw him earlier, only his shirt was stained, now his whole outfit could be used to portrait Nosferatu after lunch.

What the hell is wrong with him?

Maybe he decided to beat himself up for more dramatic story to tell.

Either way I don't have time for his peculiarities. I want to finish the work with Ria and on my way out catch Foster.

Zoe called. We have some plans for the evening I most definitely don't want to miss. Still, I don't want to leave without at least trying to make amendments with Gill. I owe her that much.

**POV – Rader**

I re-enter Foster's office and automatically lock the doors behind me. The woman is in the exactly same spot I left her minutes ago. Difference is that there are no more hysteric sobs, only evidence of previous meltdown are silent hiccups and red, puffy eyes. Well - still a progress. I hate tears, especially tears of children and women. It makes me agitated and edgy, because I have absolutely no control over the situation. Tears represent weakness and that is not something I find attractive. It makes me wonder...

Don't get me wrong. It is not the fact that Foster is unattractive female. It is just I have always perceived her as one of two evils – at first she was _devil in Prada_ boss (although to her defence I have to admit that her demands have never been out of line, but that does not make her any less annoying) who in addition was married and later - Lightman's lover. Neither of these categories classifies as exciting in my vocabulary. I don't go for married and I don't do office affairs – too much mess, on both accounts. Besides I usually date tall blonds with big, preferably natural funbags (if you know what I mean).

"Here, I brought it for you, figured you wouldn't want to enter office's wet tea-shirt competition," I hand over last clean shirt I had in my office. At least I have a jacket to cover my _full to the throat vampire_ look. I'm ready to face resistance, but Foster surprises me by taking offered piece of garment without a fight.

"Thank you," her voice is barely above a whisper.

I start to pick pieces of shattered glass from the floor and clean the blood stains. Foster moves to the other side of the room and I hear shuffle of the fabric. I try not to imagine the sight of half naked boss behind my back. It is not an easy task.

When I finally turn around, she has managed to clean herself and change. My oversized shirt on her small frame looks extremely good. There is something very intimate about the whole thing. Out of the blue earlier excitement returns with double force and I grit my teeth. What the fuck is wrong with me? Since when do I fall for damsels' in distress?

Luckily the distance and the darkness of the room don't allow her to see my expression. Just to be on the safe side I turn my back to her when I speak, "How are you?"

"I'm fine."

The reply is no surprise. Still, I can't help, but worry for the stubborn devil.

"It is late. You shouldn't be driving in this state."

Foster's voice holds steely notes, "Rader, cut the gentlemen crap, it does not suite you. I said I'm fine. You can go. Now."

Her tone leaves no room for objections. I get the message loud and clear. Gritting my teeth even more I turn on my heel and head to the exit. Despite the splash of anger at the doors I pause, "For what it's worth, I'm sorry for earlier."

There is no reply, but I wasn't really expecting one either. At least I tried. If she wants to be difficult – that is her right. I don't care anymore. A glass of Jack Daniels and some bimbo for the evening is all I need.

**POV - Gill**

I'm thankful to Rader for bringing me back to my senses, but I still resent the man for what he made me go through today. Nevertheless, I'm truly grateful for the shirt. Cleaning myself up and changing the attire made me feel almost human again.

Truth to be told I haven't fully recovered from earlier. My head hurts, but at least the pounding is gone. I'm thankful to the Mother Nature that our bodies have self defence mechanisms. Hypertensive crisis can be dangerous, if the pressure is not lowered. Luckily it was blood vessel in my nose and not head that was torn open. I clearly wasn't thinking straight, when refused Jack's offer to call ambulance. Either way now the worst part is over. Still it takes enormous amount of energy to maintain the composure.

The atmosphere in the room is highly uncomfortable and I don't want to prolong it more than necessary.

Rader seems almost worried when he speaks, "It is late. You shouldn't be driving in this state."

Does he think I'm nuts? I know I shouldn't drive, but no one has cancelled taxi service yet. Since when it is his business how I'm going to get home anyway?

Shame is as powerful feeling as anger and I'm ashamed that Jack witnessed my breakdown. I don't want to look him in the eyes right now. All I want is for him to leave, sooner better. Over centuries attack has been the best form of defence. Coldness of my tone surprises even myself, "Rader, cut the gentlemen crap, it does not suite you. I said I'm fine. You can go. Now."

I can see he is offended, but honestly I couldn't care less. He brought it down on himself.

When he turns to leave I sigh with a relief, but right at the doors he pauses. I take a deep breath getting ready for fight or usual sarcastic comment, but instead he catches me completely off guard.

"For what it's worth, I'm really sorry for earlier."

For the first time since I had known Jack, his apology sounds sincere.

tbc


	9. Part 9

_**Note: **Special thanks to all reviewers._

* * *

**Part 9**

**POV – Cal**

Our romantic evening didn't turn out the way it was intended. One word after another turned peaceful conversation into an ugly argument. Zoe noticed that I wasn't really in the mood and her probing led to rightful conclusion – Gillian.

I didn't manage to talk to my partner and sort thing out. Foster's fearful and desperate expression when she saw me in the cube still taunts my mind. Maybe I did overstep the boundaries, but I had good intentions. I wanted to protect her - instead managed to make matters only worse. Well, as they say - no good deed goes unpunished. Nevertheless, I shouldn't have left the office without talking to her.

Zoe, off course, interpreted it all in the wrong way. I know I could have been more honest about what happened, but I didn't want to bring the ugliness of the situation home. Besides, if she does not trust me not running back to Gill on the first occasion, what good our relationship is. Stupid jealousy and unjustified suspicions is what broke up our marriage. I thought we learned from our mistakes and moved on.

Zoe is still fuming about the whole thing. I try my best to keep the temper, but it is getting hard. Why women have to be so impossible?

Then there is Jack. Why his words angered me so much? It is old news that the man has little, if any, moral standards and it is not the first time he says something completely out of line. No one takes his tantrums seriously, especially me.

Only reasonable explanation that comes to my mind is not pleasant one, but unfortunately makes most sense. Unbeknown to himself the man hit the home with ill comment on shagging out of courtesy. Zoe and I started to date long before I finally got enough guts to tell Gill the truth. She had never done anything to be treated this way.

Betrayal is not something anyone can take easily, least of all me. Nevertheless, I did it to someone else, someone dear. There are not enough words to describe how guilty I feel every time I see her in the office.

I should have been more tactical and sensitive when I spoke with Gill that day. At least made more effort to lessen the blow and not simply throw the fact in her face. It was cruel and totally uncalled for. The truth is that I simply don't know how to break up and suck at 'good byes' even if they are rather figurative.

In my haze of passion I forgot that besides being my lover she had always been my one true friend. A person who stood by me through good and bad times and even at my darkest hours never left me. When Zoe and I just broke up, it was Gill who dragged me out of the nightclubs, sat with me through my hangovers and guided me in the right direction. Without her I would have been lost.

Now I have destroyed it all – our friendship, our trust, our love.

It is too late for regrets and self-loathing. All I can do is to try to redeem at least part of the relationship we once had.

I will talk with her in the morning and if she agrees – we will fire Rader first thing tomorrow. I can take up his work load, pay more attention to my interpersonal skills and provide better contribution to the business side of our enterprise.

I will do it – for her.

**POV – Gill**

Morning is dark and gloomy; it completely reflects the way I feel. My head still feels uneasy and on top of that I have nausea. When I think about yesterday, my mood drops even more. I would love to take a day off, but it would be too obvious. Besides, we have a lot on our plate right now. It is not the time to cut some slack.

On my way to the bathroom nausea attacks me with double force. I really should pay more attention to proper eating or I will end up with ulcer. Considering all the stress it wouldn't be too big of a surprise.

Through the noise of running water I hear my phone ring, but the steaming water against my skin feels too good. Whoever that is, they shall have to wait.

Good half an hour later I'm finally ready to face the world again. Drops of the water fly in all directions as I wipe my hair with the towel.

On the way to the bedroom I remember the call. Where did I put my mobile? Oh, yes – there it is.

Unknown number. Strange.

I press redial and polite, albeit a bit too emotionless voice answers, "County General..."

My heart skips a beat and my throat runs dry. I'm not sure anymore whether I do want to know the reason of their call. A message from a hospital at seven in the morning is never a good sign. As from a distance I hear my voice, "I got a call earlier from this number..."

"What is your surname, Ms?"

"Foster."

"Hold on a minute, I will check..."

Through the receiver I hear distant noises and clatter of the keyboard. Why does it take so long?

"Is your mother Jane Lewis?"

Cold hand squeezes my heart, "Yes."

Not my mom, please God, not her!

"Mrs Lewis was admitted this morning with a cerebrovascular insult."

It feels like all air is sucked from the room and I'm left in a vacuum. It is difficult to breath. The room starts to spin.

No, not that! I have to get a hold of my nerves. This is not a time for panic attack. I do my best to fight the hyperventilation.

"Ms Foster? Can you hear me?" administrator's worried voice sounds as if spoken through the water, "Are you all right?"

"Yes, I'm fine..." the fact that I'm able to speak surprises me, "Is she..."

"She is in the ICU," the girl on the other side tries her best to soothe me, but it does not help, "Considering everything, the operation went well, but you should talk to the doctor."

"I'm on my way..." I drop the call and fall down on my knees. Why everything has to go so wrong?

There is no time for self pity. I brush my wet hair into a tight knot, and cursing myself for not picking up earlier grab the first dress from the closet.

I think I broke at least a dozen of traffic rules on my way to the hospital. Old proverb that misfortune does not come alone comes to my mind as I enter the tall building. Even at this time the place is crowded. It takes some time till I get to the receptionist and even more time to find the right wing and intercept the surgeon.

My conversation with the doctor can hardly be called encouraging. The administrator was right – mom had cerebrovascular insult and emergency operation was done as soon as she was admitted. Considering alternatives (death or coma) it went well, but doctor warned me that most probably she shall have limited range of motion, especially in the right side of the body. Currently it is not possible to tell whether it is permanent or temporary.

To my big dissatisfaction, I'm not allowed in the ICU. Doctor said that she will be under sedatives till tomorrow and promised to give a call if her condition changes.

Our conversation finished ten minutes ago, but I'm still standing in the middle of the huge hallway without any clue what to do next. I feel as if the pavement had been kicked from under my feet and I'm left hanging in the air with absolutely no leverage whatsoever. Where am I supposed to go? What am I supposed to do?

I wander around the labyrinths of the building looking (I guess) for a way out until I end up in a chapel.

For the first time in long I'm in a church. Being a scientist I'm not much into spiritual world, but today the calm atmosphere helps to relax my taut nerves.

The small room is empty. I move to the last row and sit down. The sound of choir music surrounds me and my stare fixes on candles peacefully burning next to the picture of Saint Catherine.

The place is so peaceful, almost surreal in its tranquillity...

Our lives are so hectic that we forget how important simple concepts of life are. Stillness of the scene lulls me into almost meditative state. There are no more sirens, feet clatter or murmur of voices in the distance - only me, candle light and hypnotic chanting of the choir...

A loud bang in a distance throws me out of my reverie. I look at the clock.

It can't be!?

I sat down only minutes ago, but the timer insensitively proves that more than an hour has passed.

Despite my desire to stay here forever, I can't. I'm already late for the work (first time ever!).

Even on my way to the office my mind refuses to leave the hospital. I'm already in the parking lot when I realise that I don't remember how I got here.

I open the entrance doors. On my way in someone grabs my hand and drags me back out. To say I'm startled would be an understatement of the year. I have absolutely no clue what is going on as the man keeps dragging me behind him.

Usually Cal pulls stunts like this, but to my surprise this time it is Rader. For whatever reason man's expression bears deep annoyance and contempt. What the hell is wrong with him?

"What?" I forcefully stop and pull my arm from his grasp. My heart is still running a double time marathon.

"Bennett. Twenty minutes," is Rader's only explanation, but that is enough. It is nothing new or surprising. Despite many good qualities Commander has, patience is not one of his virtues. He knows his value, his importance as client and is not ashamed to use it in his advantage.

We drive in silence. I can't stop thinking about my mom in the hospital bed and how sick she is.

Rider already parks, when a thought crosses my mind.

"By the way - what did you promise to Bennett?"

"You were in the room when we spoke."

"Jack!" my tone is warning. He can be such a pain in the ass.

With that self satisfied Cheshire cat grin he announces, "Don't you recall? I promised him you, more specifically – a night with you!"

There is a meaningful pause and I know the main blow is only coming.

"More importantly - you agreed..."

I almost choke.

tbc


	10. Part 10

**Part 10**

**POV - Rader**

Yesterday gave me sight of Foster I never thought I would see. Complete opposite to always immaculate and composed image I'm so used to. It is shameful to admit, but wet, smeared with blood blouse stuck to the body in most compromising ways and skirt ridden up to almost inappropriate length attracted me. Good thing she was too out of it to notice my openly predatory stare.

Truth to be told, I would have never expected it from myself. There was nothing even remotely erotic about the whole situation, but the images of perfect curves and silky skin still makes my heart beat faster and lower body tense. It is maddening. Hopefully I will manage to get a hold of myself, before the whole thing spins out of control.

For the first time in a long I'm at the office on time. It gives me a chance to look at the bloody reports Foster was fussing about yesterday. Problem is that I have absolutely no desire to deal with the papers so I end up surfing the web.

Nice pictures from Miss October...

The phone rings.

_Crap!_

It is Bennett.

_And the day started so well..._

He wants us to come over, new assignment. I look at the clock. It is almost eleven. Where the hell is Foster? The doors to my office are open so I would have seen if she or Cal would have arrived.

For Lightman it is nothing new to be late. He is like a cat that walks wherever and whenever he wants without any respect for people, time or privacy.

Foster, on the other hand, is always punctual like a Swiss watch. Military could set the time by her.

I wait for thirty more minutes, but still none of the bosses blesses us with their presence.

To make the Commander wait is not a bright idea, especially after yesterday's fiasco. I guess I will have to be the patch. Let's hope Commander won't be too offended, because he always wants to speak only with someone who corresponds to his level, Foster in particular.

At the entrance I almost collide with the Mistress of the Minions. There is no more time to waste. We have to be in CIA headquarters. I grab her by arm and without any explanations drag out.

"What?" The woman is clearly startled as she tries to get rid of my grasp.

_Don't get too excited, it is not a kidnapping! _I smirk to myself.

Aloud I say, "Bennett. Twenty minutes."

Foster nods. I know she understands. Without further questions she follows me to the car and opens passenger doors. Despite my previous nasty comments I have to admit that one thing you can always count on when dealing with Foster is her professionalism. She never asks silly questions and easily adapts to any situation, even most unconventional one. It is rare a quality, especially in women.

We drive in silence. From the corner of my eye I observe her. Foster has lost that sickly grey pallor she wore yesterday, but still looks pale. Dark circles underlay her expressive eyes and deep lines of worry are embedded on her face. Instead of usually immaculate hair styling there is a bit messy knot on the head. No makeup either. It looks as if she was thrown out of the apartment without having a chance to grab at least a brush, but I like her better this way. It proves that she is just a human after all, like the rest of us mortals.

I want to ask her whether something is wrong, but I know that her only reply would be "I'm fine". Foster never reveals her problems or personal issues to anyone at the office, least of all me. So I swallow my curiosity and focus on driving.

The woman is so lost in her thoughts, that even my sharp manoeuvre to avoid asshole taxi driver does not bring any emotions on her face. If I didn't know better, I would have thought that I'm transporting a statue and not a human being.

Only when I'm already parking she finally opens her mouth. The question takes me by surprise.

"By the way - what did you promise to Bennett?"

I wonder...

"You were in the room when we spoke."

"Jack!" her tone is serious. I know I'm playing with fire, but can't stop myself. It is simply too much fun. With all the seriousness I can muster I announce, "Don't you recall? I promised him you, more specifically – a night with you."

Foster's expression is priceless despite the fact that she knows it is a joke.

I just want to see how far I can get with it, "More importantly - you agreed..."

The woman almost chokes from such audacity, but her face regains at least some colour. With that healthy blush on her cheeks she looks like a human again and not that creepy character from the Night of living zombies I was driving the whole way.

To my big surprise a glimpse of smile slides across her face once initial shock is over. It is very brief, almost unnoticeable expression, but I still see it as bright as the light of the day.

Who would have thought that somewhere in this serious and unattainable person could be hidden the same sparkle of raw and twisted sense of humour I have.

I guess that old saying – never judge the book by its cover – has some truth in it after all...

_tbc_


End file.
